Ant Farm!

We have a newly acquired Ant Farm at our house. I know a lot of random facts about things, but I've discovered that I didn't at all know much about ants before now.

Here's what I think I've learned correctly in my observations of our little farming establishment:

Setting up an ant farm is complicated. There are lots of "rules." You must order all of your ants in one single shipment so that there is absolutely (and under no uncertain terms) ZERO chance of introducing/mixing ants from different colonies. Ant wars are serious matters. You will note that this fact is repeated again and again in your "Guide to Running a Happy Ant Farm."

Ants go to sleep when put in the refrigerator. You will feel some guilt when you do this. However, it is a necessary step that must be taken prior to introducing the ants to their new farmlike surroundings. As you pour the motionless and clumpy mounds of entangled ants into your farm, just keeping telling yourself that they will be so happy to "wake up", look around, and find that they've suddenly acquired ownership of a silo.

It is extraordinarily difficult to know if one should be worried about an ant's health. When they curl up in a fetal position, of sorts, and don't move for a long time, they could be sleeping. (They could also be dead... and actually, they probably are unmistakeably dead if the process of heavy shriveling begins...) But then again, they could just be sleeping. Even if they are curled in a ball, "nose" to "rear end", and the other ants begin to bury the body, they could STILL just be sleeping. Watching and caring for your ants is a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I would advise NOT to have premature funerals.

Ants are easy to maintain as pets as they only require feeding ONCE per week. So far, they've consumed a Ritz cracker crumb (week 1) and a speck of strawberry (week 2) during their stay.

They seem to not mind the one loony ant who hangs out on the weather vane a lot. He's aloof, but still, no less a part of the farm than the others. (I'm just kidding. There is no loner, brooding ant... but it would be fun if there was.)

The tunnel system is intriguing. It must be a little more intricate than I really realize. Sometimes I search and search and can only find three visible ants on the whole farm. At these times, I'll look around on the counter beside the farm, in a cold sweat, because there is no doubt in my mind that a troop of particularly crafty ants has somehow managed to escape. But if I look again the next day, they will all be there. And so I settle down... But I do wonder where they hide. I am a little suspicious of them. They seem to be a little too organized.

I also have learned that legs go rogue frequently. There are ant legs scattered EVERYWHERE on our farm. Despite this, I don't see any ants who are missing their appendages. It's a mystery.

The ants are teaching me a lot. When this farm goes under, we have sea monkeys waiting in the wings as our next project. I hope the ants are resilient and hearty as the sea monkey prep work looks even more complicated than that of the ant farm. Groan. I'm a consumer, but I'm certainly no fool. Despite the blazing propaganda on the backside of the sea monkey package that shouts, "never be lonely again" now that you have sea monkeys, I'm not at all deterred from noticing that this toy comes with a thick set of directions, step-after-neverending-step. All this and they're not even monkeys. Another groan.

Come on, ants. Live long and prosper.