The Language Barrier - a dramatic reading

Jack: (from the backseat) "Hey Mom, what's noon?"
Me: (talking over my shoulder) "Well, Jack, that's the name for lunchtime."
Jack: "Oh, so noon is the SAME as lunchtime?"
Me: "Well, yeah, pretty much."
Jack: "So what's afternoon?"
Me: "After lunchtime."
Jack: "Oh, okay." (thoughtful pause)
Jack: "Mom, what's afternoon called?"
Me: "Well, Jack... that's after lunch, remember?"
Jack: "No, Mom, what's afternoon called?"
Me: "Jack, I just told you. It's just afternoon. That's its name.
Afternoon is after lunch."
Jack: "MOOOOM.... (in the most disgusted of tones) What's AFTERNOON?"
Me: "Jack! I don't understand your question. You just asked me that.
Afternoon is after lunch."
Jack: (sighhhhh) "NO, MOM! I SAID WHAT'S AFTERNOON?"

(long pause--- what the heck is he asking me? ... but then it comes to me.)

Me: "Jack, are you asking me what comes after afternoon?"

Jack: "Yesss!!!! That's what I said!!!" (relieved laughter)

Me: "Okay! Phew! Well, evening comes after the afternoon."

(a satisfied Jack sits silently in the back of the car)

Me: "Hey Jack! Who's on first?!"

Jack: "Huh?"

Cornball Teacher Humor

The kids are taking the state mandated standardized test this week. Danavee and I lighten the mood with our stupid (but totally awesome) tshirts! Can you read them? This entry is pointless otherwise.

Weekend in Columbia

This past weekend, Jim participated in his first (and only) duathlon of the season in Columbia, MO. It was a run, bike, run event. He opted to do the long course this time. For this reason, I suspect that he's slightly imbalanced. He came away with a fourth place finish in his age group!

Any sporting event in or around Columbia is a good excuse for Jack and Emma to visit their cousins. Thanks to my sister-in-law, Kim, for emailing me a handful of photos that her mom's camera was more apt to capture. You are great to share!

Two pretty girls - Emma and Cecilia at Kim's house.

Four grandkids seated and still at the same time - a rare photo opportunity.

Here comes Jim to the finish...

It was coooold and misty. Emma and I kept each other warm.

Emma News

It seems to me that when you have two children, the first one develops at a s-l-o-w pace. You are always waiting and anticipating what trick he/she is going to do next. With Jack, it felt like I was constantly asking myself, "When is he going to smile at me? When is he going to roll over? First teeth, where are they?" etc.

Now, with the second child, my experience has been totally different. Emma seems to be developing at lightning speed. I feel very much like I'm riding an out of control horse. "Whoa, girl! Slow down, slow down!" I fear that soon she'll be a teenager.

Rice cereal functions well as food or accessory. It's good.


So are toes.

575 W. Haiku Heaven

I'm a teacher. My job is demanding, but sometimes... all is made worth it come the Haiku poetry writing unit. Also, a quickly approaching May helps, but ah yes.... the children's Haikus. So good. Thanks, Danavee, for passing along these two samples of syllabic brilliance. Your kids have made my day.

"Untitled"

Do not kill that bear

I won't let people kill bears

Please help me do that

"Dogs"

I feel bad for dogs

Being kicked out on the road

It's not fair, you see

Conversations by Car

Jack is a fun passenger to have in the car every afternoon on the way home from school. I have become the mom that says to the child, "What did you do at school today?" just to prompt the conversation. His response is the equivalent of the teenage "Nothing." At five years old it goes like this, "Played." End of conversation. A big disappointment for mom.

But through experimentation, I have discovered that it's sometimes better just to be silent and wait for the conversation to come. When prompted, the talk is uniform and predictable. If I don't invade his thoughts, they'll come spilling out in very random and fun ways. Jack has great potential when allowed freedom as a backseat conversationalist.

Yesterday it was "Mom, where is the future? Is it up in the sky? When can we go there? Do they come to us in their flying cars at night when we sleep? When can we have a flying car?"

On another day, it was an explanation of why we can't see the red faces of the stopsigns that are intended for oncoming traffic. It is not that they are simply turned around backwards to face that traffic, but rather that they have been "turned invisible by a superhero that goes to Keaton's church."

Occasionally it is a shameless plug for paid programming that comes up. "Mom, I want to clap my hands and make the lights come on. They have that on the commercial at grandma's house. That would be so nice. I think we should get that."

Today I was without Jack though, and since Emma is not much of a talker yet, I was left to my own devices. On came the radio... the Big 80's station, unfortunately. So, if I had been sitting in your backseat right then, I would have not-so-randomly asked, "What the heck is Night Ranger saying in the chorus of Sister Christian?"

"( Annoying 3-syllable mystery worrrrrd ) , What's your price for flight? In finding Mr. Right? You'll be alriiiight.... tonight."

And then, I'd look out the window and say, "Man, I hate this song."

Swami Whitney

So I took a yoga class last night. It was my first ever, and I (along with my friends Danavee and Andrea) was incredibly nervous. All three of us felt that way. "Are we gonna do some sort of weird pose and fall over?" "Are we going to look like idiots?" "Are we going to bust out laughing and get shhh'ed by the stern and serious yoga-doers?" These were all valid concerns, but we pretended to be cooler than we really were, taking a casual position at the back of the class like we had done it thousands of times before. (I wonder if anyone could tell that I'd only just taken the plastic wrap off of my yoga mat in the car ten minutes prior to that?)

Anyway, we breathed, posed, stretched, and realigned ourselves. And I have to admit that despite my previous skepticism, I left feeling really good. I feel good this morning too. Maybe even slightly taller... chuckling.

I want you to know that I am now considering quitting my job, running away to seminary, and becoming a yoga priest. And just so you know, on Tuesdays I prefer to be addressed as "Swami Whitney." Namaste.

I am such a quick learner! Look at me go!

The Snowman Song

Words and Music by: the self proclaimed "musical" Jack B. Hoodenpyle
Background Vocals: Emma W. Hoodenpyle
Idiotic sideways filmography: their mother, who, if there's a way to rotate a video, can't find it (sorry...)
Cameo Tail Appearance: Cookie