Splashin' with Pool Thugs

Dear MIA Parent,

Where are you? Why do you send your kid (who typically is of an age between 4 and 16) to the neighborhood pool while you stay at home? Don't you know that the teenaged lifeguard is busy saving lives... and flirting? Watching your unaccompanied kid, who invariably seems to be obnoxious and not very likable, tends to fall on someone like me. I'm a parent that has come to the pool in the act of parenting my own child, strangely enough.. I don't really feel like parenting yours too.

Sincerely,

Present Parent

Yeah, I'm feeling kind of gripey today. Let's talk about Sam. Sam seems to be about fourish? But it seems this Sam's in the business of button pushing at the neighborhood pool, and today Jack had the target on his forehead. My family arrived only to be met with little Sam who begins to visibly salivate when my Jack brings out his basket full of pool toys. Now we don't mind sharing (as is the custom to do whenever one brings toys to the pool), but seriously... we'd like to use some of the toys we brought, little Sam. Jack's new snorkel is seized in the first five minutes. And Jack, although not brave enough to actually use it correctly himself yet, becomes clearly upset that Sam has chosen to borrow it without asking and then stick it in his mouth... again, without asking. Jack repeatedly asks Sam to return the item until finally, Sam wheels around and says, "I don't want to worry about it right now. It's MIIIIIINE." Oh my goodness. Teacher Whitney had to show her ugly face... and during the summer, which I find to be particularly offensive because Teacher Whitney is dead to me right now. This minor snorkel situation was hardly a big deal after I stepped in, but then it became clear that Sam was all about having some fun with just being mean. "Want to play with this beach ball, Jack?" And then Sam would laugh hysterically after throwing it as far as he could in the opposite direction when Jack reached for it. Yeah, Jack, that irks me too a little. Just don't play with him, ok? But ahh... Sam. Here you come at my daughter, who at six months old, is no match for watergun squirting in the face.

Jack and Emma, until you are old enough to get wise to this kind of idget, Mom will kick some kid booty when you need it. And when little Sam tries to leave the pool with your sunglasses, Jack? Yeah, your Daddy will walk out to the street after him and help too.

Not pictured below... Sam, the local four year old pool thug